All posts by James

About James

James Seidler is a writer living in Chicago. The editor for the now-defunct humor publication FLYMF, he has now decided to maintain his web presence and smart remarks through this blog.

The Dark Knight Is Strongman Claptrap—A Spoiler-Laden Review

In The Dark Knight, the latest film featuring Christian Bale’s best attempts at a WWE-Smackdown! voice, the Joker’s greatest asset seems to be his ability to escape from any plot hole, no matter how large.

Want to threaten a meeting of the city’s top crime bosses? Just walk right in the back door. Feel like shooting rockets at police wagons and taking officers hostage? It’s ok—none of them will shoot back! Want to assassinate the mayor by posing as a member of his honor guard? No problem—policeman apparently have no idea what their peers look like, nor are they suspicious of people whose scars match those of the madman terrorizing the city.

For that matter, looking to kill the commissioner of police? Just sneak into his office off-camera. This same tactic can be used to load hospitals, ferries and abandoned warehouses with hundreds of barrels of explosives. It also comes in handy for leaving Bruce Wayne’s penthouse after Batman throws himself out the window. (“What’s that? Batman jumped out the window, leaving us alone in a room full of people we were terrorizing? Well, we might as well just take off then…”)

Continue reading The Dark Knight Is Strongman Claptrap—A Spoiler-Laden Review

If Elected, Obama Needs to Strike While the Iron Is Hot

Political writer Rick Perlstein has an insightful article, “A Liberal Shock Doctrine,” at the American Prospect pointing out the danger of (fingers crossed) a President Obama taking an incremental approaches to progressive legislation. Evoking Clinton and Carter, Perlstein highlights the obstructive tactics available to legislative minorities within our governmental system (as well as the Republicans’ skill at mud-slinging).

Here’s how he introduces his argument:

Progressive political change in American history is rarely incremental. With important exceptions, most of the reforms that have advanced our nation’s status as a modern, liberalizing social democracy were pushed through during narrow windows of progressive opportunity — which subsequently slammed shut with the work not yet complete. The post–Civil War reconstruction of the apartheid South, the Progressive Era remaking of the institutions of democratic deliberation, the New Deal, the Great Society: They were all blunt shocks. Then, before reformers knew what had happened, the seemingly sturdy reform mandate faded and Washington returned to its habits of stasis and reaction.

The Oval Office’s most effective inhabitants have always understood this. Franklin D. Roosevelt hurled down executive orders and legislative proposals like thunderbolts during his First Hundred Days, hardly slowing down for another four years before his window slammed shut; Lyndon Johnson, aided by John F. Kennedy’s martyrdom and the landslide of 1964, legislated at such a breakneck pace his aides were in awe. Both presidents understood that there are too many choke points — our minority-enabling constitutional system, our national tendency toward individualism, and our concentration of vested interests — to make change possible any other way.

That is a fact. A fact too many Democrats have trained themselves to ignore. And it sometimes feels like Barack Obama, whose first instinct when faced with ideological resistance seems to be to extend the right hand of fellowship, understands it least of all. Does he grasp that unless all the monuments of lasting, structural change in the American state — banking regulation, public-power generation, Social Security, the minimum wage, the right to join a union, federal funding of education, Medicare, desegregation, Southern voting rights — had happened fast, they wouldn’t have happened at all?

I hope so. Because if Barack Obama is elected president with a significant popular mandate, a number of Democrats riding his coattails to the House, and enough senators to scuttle the filibuster of his legislative agenda — all of which seem entirely possible — he will inherit a historical opportunity to civilize the United States in ways not seen in a generation. To achieve the change he seeks — the monumental trio of universal health care, a sustainable energy policy, and a sane and secure internationalism — he has to completely reverse the way Democrats have habituated themselves to doing business. If they want true progress, they have to be juggernauts. American precedent gives them no other way.

Perlstein’s blog, The Big Con, offers an invaluable look at how 20th-century conservative philosophy and tactics continually re-assert themselves in political campaigns and governing. He’s definitely an author worth reading.

Jeanne Cook Blogs at Scrivel.com

FLYMF contributor Jeanne Cook has been regularly contributing pieces to the collaborative humor blog Scrivel.com. Under the penname The Great Corrupter, she uses a fun, irreverent voice to engage topics ranging from baseball to weaponized temper tantrums to the very special occasion of a group of Catholic-girls-school college students visiting a porno theater for the first time. Check it out!

Jeanne’s pieces for FLYMF include Earmuffs, Pet Psyches and Fun With Nuns.

Released Detainee Recounts Guantanamo

Jumah al Dossari has an op/ed piece, “I’m Home, but Still Haunted by Guantanamo,” in today’s Washington Post. In the article, he recounts his mistreatment while in U.S. custody, from the time he was imprisoned in Afghanistan to the day of his return to Saudi Arabia.

We were taken to Camp X-Ray, which consists of cages of the sort that would normally hold animals. Imprisoned in these cages, we were forbidden to move and sometimes forbidden to pray. Later, the guards allowed us to pray and even to turn around, but whenever new detainees arrived, we were again prohibited from doing anything but sitting still.

Physical brutality was not uncommon during those first years at Guantanamo. In Camp X-Ray, several soldiers once beat me so badly that I spent three days in intensive care. My face and body were still swollen and covered in bruises when I left the hospital. During one interrogation, my questioner, apparently dissatisfied with my answers, slammed my head against the table. During others, I was shackled to the floor for hours.

In later years, such physical assaults subsided, but they were replaced by something more painful: I was deprived of human contact. For several months, the military held me in solitary confinement after a suicide attempt. I had no clothes other than a pair of shorts and no bed but a dirty plastic mat. The air conditioner was on 24 hours a day; the cell’s cold metal walls made it feel as though I was living inside a freezer. There was no faucet, so I had to use the water in the toilet for drinking and washing.

I was transferred to the maximum-security Camp Five in May 2004. There I lived — if that word can be used — in a cell with cement walls. I was permitted to exercise once or twice a week; otherwise, I was alone in my cell at all times. I had nothing to occupy my mind except a Koran and some censored letters from my family. Interrogators told me that I would live like that for 50 years.

Hundreds of detainees received similar assurance that they would be imprisoned for the rest of their lives. Many, including al Dossari, attempted suicide during their time at Guantanamo. But despite the government’s assurances that these were terrorists—”the worst of the worst”—the majority have since been released.

All of these prisoners were brutalized by America’s fearfulness. We should familiarize ourselves with each of their stories in the hope that their undeserved misery will provide some small innoculation against torture and tyranny during our next crisis. This is what happens when you don’t care about what happens to people because they’re “bad.”

A (Very Late) Pitchfork Recap

Some three weeks after the excellent music festival ended, I’ve compiled a list of bands to check out based on my three days in Chicago’s Union Park. Luckily, good music is timeless.

If you like: Big, dumb garage rock, complete with shouted titles and Ramones-esque buzzsawing

Check out: Jay Reatard (or, as I always preface it in my head, the unfortunately named Jay Reatard

If you like: Mellow guitar runs and beautiful multi-part harmonies, a la the Dead or CSN

Check out: The Fleet Foxes

Continue reading A (Very Late) Pitchfork Recap