Category Archives: Humor

A Bunch of Mealy-Mouthed %&@*suckers

Humor, TV Party

For anyone who has argued that the particularly salty language on Deadwood is unrealistic, let me point you to a document issued by Major League Baseball in 1897 bemoaning the rampant (and creative) swearing in the game.

As presented by Robert Edward Auctions, it reads,

That such brutal language as “You cock-sucking son of a bitch!” “You prick-eating bastard!” You cunt-lapping dog!” “Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!” “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!” “I fucked your mother, your sister, your wife!” “I’ll make you suck my ass!” “You cock-sucker!” and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge.

I wonder if David Milch has a copy of this. I haven’t watched Season 3 yet, but if no one’s called a “cunt-lapping dog” by the end of it, I’m going to be disappointed.

Nowitzki in the Outback

Humor

The Dallas Observer has a fun story on Dirk Nowitzki’s walkabout in Australia after the Mavericks were bounced from the playoffs. My favorite part:

“They hiked the canyons and mountains of Central Australia, and then they flew back to Sydney, where they spent a few days washing clothes.”

We also find out that Dirk and his mentor “went to Northern Australia, where they hiked near waterfalls and bathed in streams, even when signs warned them it was the wet season and crocodile danger was high.”

As someone who studied abroad there, let me caution that ignoring those signs is a very bad idea. They’re there for a reason, and it’s generally to prevent tourists from being munched on.

Mockery Is All That Remains (well, and maybe two more losses)

Humor

One good thing about the worst season in Notre Dame football history? It’s provided some good fodder for the Onion.

U.S. Military Wasting All Its Victories on Notre Dame

“It’s important to realize that our young men have been fighting pitched battles against religious fanatics who have been brainwashed into a culture that seeks to destroy all other ways of life,” Air Force head coach Troy Calhoun said Monday. “That’s just the way Notre Dame football is, the way it’s always been. You can’t reason with people like that. You destroy them as completely, remorselessly, and quickly as you can.”

Past articles from the top sources of fake news: Notre Dame Football Team Having Worst Season Since Corinthians, Notre Dame Football Announces Improvements To Its Storied History, and Notre Dame Unveils New “Holding Jesus”

It’s Not Fundamentals

Humor

Chuck Klosterman has a perceptive article on ESPN.com about the “problems” facing the NBA. He argues that the NBA’s continual state of crisis doesn’t result from player misconduct or racism on the part of fans. After all, he says, the NFL is subject to these same factors, but its popularity has surged over the past decade.

Instead, Klosterman claims that the unpopularity of the NBA stems from three issues inherent to the game. First is the reality that “some games are going to be boring.” Second is the fact that “We are an unshared society” (i.e. the racial, economic and talent gap between players and fans makes them utterly unable to relate to one another). Third is the idea that “potentiality destroys happiness” (i.e. the balletic potential of the game is undermined by bricked shots and long slogs in the low post).

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