A Bunch of Mealy-Mouthed %&@*suckers

Humor, TV Party

For anyone who has argued that the particularly salty language on Deadwood is unrealistic, let me point you to a document issued by Major League Baseball in 1897 bemoaning the rampant (and creative) swearing in the game.

As presented by Robert Edward Auctions, it reads,

That such brutal language as “You cock-sucking son of a bitch!” “You prick-eating bastard!” You cunt-lapping dog!” “Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!” “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!” “I fucked your mother, your sister, your wife!” “I’ll make you suck my ass!” “You cock-sucker!” and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge.

I wonder if David Milch has a copy of this. I haven’t watched Season 3 yet, but if no one’s called a “cunt-lapping dog” by the end of it, I’m going to be disappointed.

Illegal Use of Joe Zopp—It’s a Movie!

FLYMF Alums, Movies

WutWutAlma has produced an official trailer for their feature-length film, Illegal Use of Joe Zopp. I was lucky enough to see the movie in a screening a couple weeks ago, and I was really impressed with what they’ve pulled off. The highest compliment I can offer is that it feels like a real film: the visual portrait is crisp and energetic, and a ton of great have contributed tracks for a solid soundtrack. The story follows its own idiosyncratic path, avoiding the easy jokes and taking the humor in some absurd directions. The acting is great too, with Nick Holle, co-creator of FLYMF, doing a hell of a job as the lead. They’re submitting the movie to festivals now, so hopefully some really good news will be in the coming.

For those eager to see other movies Nick has starred in, check out FLYMF’s Last Movie, Monkey Dance, Outrageous Claims and, stretching back to the shaky beginning, FLYMF’s First Movie. (Please note—all are big files and will take a little while to load.) More movies can be found in FLYMF’s multimedia section.

Ride the Lightning

Well Worth Reading

Being tasered isn’t a pleasant experience. Darts are launched into your skin, penetrating the flesh; they’re followed by a 50,000 volt shock, enough to make your muscles contract uncontrollably, causing you to collapse. The result is extremely painful—as one victim told the Associated Press, “It’s the most profound pain I’ve ever felt in my life. It’s complete submission. You can’t move. You can’t even blink.” It can be lethal as well. As Amnesty International reported in their 2007 Annual Report, “More than 70 people died after being shocked with tasers…bringing to more than 230 the number of such deaths since 2001.”

Continue reading Ride the Lightning →

Nowitzki in the Outback

Humor

The Dallas Observer has a fun story on Dirk Nowitzki’s walkabout in Australia after the Mavericks were bounced from the playoffs. My favorite part:

“They hiked the canyons and mountains of Central Australia, and then they flew back to Sydney, where they spent a few days washing clothes.”

We also find out that Dirk and his mentor “went to Northern Australia, where they hiked near waterfalls and bathed in streams, even when signs warned them it was the wet season and crocodile danger was high.”

As someone who studied abroad there, let me caution that ignoring those signs is a very bad idea. They’re there for a reason, and it’s generally to prevent tourists from being munched on.

They Don’t Mean To, But They Do

Books

The latest New Yorker has an article on poet Robert Hass. Reading it, I was struck by this excerpt, which follows a passage reflecting on the embarrassment induced by his alcoholic mother.

When we say “mother” in poems,
we usually mean some woman in her late twenties
or early thirties trying to raise a child.
We use this particular noun
to secure the pathos of the child’s point of view
and to hold her responsible.

The sharpness of his childhood is reversed into an acknowledgment of his mother’s own struggles, one that forgives her. It’s a neat trick.

The poem is called Dragonflies Mating and could be found here in its entirety.